Friday 11 January 2013

Duchess of Cambridge portrait artist denies Jennifer Aniston infatuation


The artist behind the Duchess of Cambridge’s first official portrait has denied he has actually painted Friends star Jennifer Aniston.

Artist Paul Elmsley said it was definitely Kate Middleton, and not the star of Marley & Me who he happens to think is very attractive but that is entirely beside the point.

“You only have to look at it to see it’s not Jennifer Aniston, I mean, Jennifer doesn’t own a dress like that. I know that for a fact.”

“So what if I had Horrible Bosses on repeat in the background whilst the Duchess sat for me? What of it?”

“I suppose you’ll be saying next that owning a scrap-book of Jennifer Aniston memorabilia is inappropriate for a royal portrait artist? Well I don’t care.”

Duchess of Cambridge portrait

It was also revealed that early drafts of the portrait had the Duchess sat alongside David Schwimmer, Matt LeBlanc and Courtney Cox.

Elmsley explained, “I was trying to emphasise her international appeal, nothing else. And I find Chandler and Phoebe annoying.”

“The t-shirt I bearing the name ‘Rachel’ was just a prop. A funny coincidence.”

Elmsley concluded by informing reporters that his next portrait will be of actor Justin Theroux being mutilated in the most grizzly manner by an angry hoard of film critics.

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