Tuesday 8 January 2013 by Waylandsmithy

Old man releases awful record


Ageing pop fans are beside themselves this morning, following the release of a dreadful record by an old man.

Titled ‘Where am I, and who are you?’, the record marks a return to music production for David Bowie, if not a return to form.

“I’ve always loved Bowie, he can’t do any wrong as far as I’m concerned”, gushed Julie Granger, who was probably thinking of Ziggy Stardust.

“This new one might sound like it was recorded in a toilet using a cheap Casio keyboard, but it’s lovely to think that after all this time, we’re both still alive.”

New David Bowie album

The reclusive Bowie hasn’t released any new material in the last 10 years, a move seen as ‘wise’ for pop stars well past their 50s.

But doctors fear the single could lead to a massively disappointing tour, or a regrettable duet with Mick Jagger.

“Most fans are now overweight, balding and dependent on Yakult and statins”, suggested Dr George Kilroy, “it’s cruel for their heroes to remind them how much closer to death they both are.”

Kilroy is urging fans to who want to cling to their youth to listen to The Vaccines, or fantasise about Lady Gaga.

“Whatever you do, don’t download the new Bowie video”, he urged.

“Watching an old man sat in his pants eating Werthers Originals isn’t going to make anyone feel Hunky Dory.”

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