Friday 4 January 2013 by Will Noble

ITV to screen chilling BBC TV nostalgia weekend


ITV will screen a petrifying schedule of back-to-back classic BBC television this weekend.

Producers of the commercial channel are promising a “wistful agenda of eeriness and unease” to viewers who grew up in the 70s, 80s and 90s.

Jim Davidson’s Generation Game, the Paul Daniels Magic Show and vintage paedo-laden Top of the Pops are among programmes to be aired; the weekend concluding with a five-hour Jim’ll Fix It marathon on Sunday night.

This will contain the unforgettable episode in which an entire Scout group pukes its guts out on a big dipper when told Savile is waiting for them at the bottom.

Said ITV spokeswoman Becky Plus-One, “We invite our older viewers to fondly reminisce how it wasn’t us who subjected them to the cigar-chomping death mask.”

“Also, it’s timeless television.”

Children’s television marathon

It is hoped that while many recoil at this nightmarish nostalgia trip, a whole new generation will immerse itself in abject horror at the Corporation’s erstwhile output, before devoting viewership to endless repeats of Rosemary and Thyme.

ITV is said to have sourced all content during its weekly rummaging in the bins round the back of Television Centre.

This is also where they found the pilot script for Downton Abbey and where, in 2010, Jonathan Ross was recovered, reeking of old milk and Russell Brand.

Their nostalgia weekend comes as part of ITV’s ‘Kick ‘Em While They’re Down’ season. Other highlights include looped footage of George Entwistle’s resignation, and old episodes of Points of View, not so much for eerie hindsight, but because it’s shite.

The BBC themselves were originally planning a similar nostalgia weekend, before briefly putting it on hold while they destroyed the living fuck out of it, and swept the ashes under a carpet.

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