Friday 28 December 2012 by Waylandsmithy

New pay-per-view motorway screens to make rubbernecking ‘more immersive’


Motorway screens pay per view

A new system of screens that will be erected around motorway accidents is set to revolutionise the way motorists rubberneck.

The fully HD, 1080p screens capture every bloody detail, and repeat the best bits on a loop so no-one has to miss out.

“People love gawping at carnage and the twisted bodies trapped inside”, explained Susan Huxley of the Ministry for Transport.

“Sometimes they’ll queue all day just to catch a glimpse of someone putting down a bucket of sawdust or rooting around on the verge, looking for a head.”

Keen to monetise human misery and make accidents a thing of the future, Huxley revealed that the M6 toll booths will be selling Blu-rays of the most popular pile-ups, for drivers who are in too much of a hurry to soak it all up as they pass.

“At 30 miles an hour, the average family should be able to see at least 20 seconds of mentally scarring footage on our new screens”, enthused Huxley.

“That’s just enough time to jump to conclusions about who caused it, and note that it was ‘that idiot in a BMW’, or ‘some foreigner with an international licence’.”

Motorway accident screens

For a small fee, such prejudices can be tweeted live onto the screens, so others can share your wisdom, or realise they shouldn’t have any sympathy for the #polishlorrywithwoodenbrakesandremoulds.

“Accident investigation is actually pretty easy”, admitted Huxley. “It’s also a lot of fun, so we’d like the public to get more involved.”

With the new screens set to appear at a tragedy near you soon, the Ministry is expecting even non-drivers to go out of their way to stick their oar in, perhaps by poorly maintained coach or illegal minicab.

Huxley admitted she wasn’t sure at first whether people really wanted to see such upsetting scenes in intimate detail, but changed her mind after seeing the Christmas episode of Eastenders.

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