Wednesday 26 December 2012

Nation picking up courage to ask if you kept the receipt


Christmas presents did you keep the receipt?

‘I love it and everything, but I wondered if maybe you kept the receipt?’, the entire nation is practising into a mirror this morning, according to reports.

Despite a day of festive cheer and alcohol, many are waking up to realise many of their presents aren’t actually their sort of thing after all.

Retail analysts are expecting record-breaking of levels of returns, but only if people actually grow a pair of balls and explain they’d have preferred something else instead.

As family man Simon Williams told us, “A patterned cardigan seemed lovely on Christmas day, but I’ve got admit I’d prefer a shirt or plain jumper – but Aunty Jean is about as vengeful as they come.

“If I ask her for the receipt then I might get the carcass of a dead animal next year – or mothballs, that’s her preferred gift for those she has ostracised in this family.

“It’s a tough decision, whether to say anything at all and just keep quiet and pretend I’m happy with the cardigan.”

Elderly relatives have insisted they are happy to be asked for receipts from any of the ‘ungrateful sods’ they shopped for this year.

As one 60-something grandparent explained, “I spent a long time picking out the perfect handkerchief for each of my nephews and nieces. So I can’t imagine this increase in people not like presents will affect me at all.”

However great-aunt Eileen Matthews told us, “They can ask for the receipt all they like, I got all this year’s presents at a car boot sale.”

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