Wednesday 12 December 2012 by Waylandsmithy

Lawyers looking forward to ‘big day’ of first gay divorce


With same-sex weddings just around the corner, lawyers are rushing to pick out a new suit for the first gay divorce.

Until now, lawyers have struggled to capitalise on failed homosexual relationships with many merely dissolving without a series of legal firms able to take their cut.

But all that has changed now that gay couples are finally allowed to ‘tie the knot’ using centuries of confusing red tape.

“It makes me feel good to know that the tradition of being shafted in a divorce court is finally open to all”, cooed Jeremy Colstain, a lawyer with hundreds of broken, unhappy straight clients.

“It’s a matter of fairness, liberal values and basic human rights, to allow homosexuals to also feel trapped in a cold, loveless legal battle.”

Gay divorce

Colstain sees a long, happy future ahead of his law firm, with statistically fewer gay couples stubbornly staying together ‘just for the kids’.

“On top of that, gay couples tend to have much nicer houses”, he suggested.

“Which neither of them will own, by the time we’ve finished with them.”

Commentators have highlighted the complex legal issues surrounding the matter of gay marriage, such as what constitutes adultery, or how the wedding is consummated.

“I know, isn’t it brilliant?” enthused Colstain. “We’ll be thrashing this stuff out for absolutely ages – all at my normal hourly rate of course.”

Colstain dismissed the signing of a pre-nuptial agreement as a way to protect those undertaking a gay marriage.

“It’s an incredibly negative foundation for the love that’s beginning to blossom, between myself and my client’s money.”

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