Wednesday 12 December 2012

Church of England ‘perfectly happy’ with gay funerals


The Bible doesn’t say anything about putting gay people in the ground, the Church of England claimed today.

Despite new laws making it illegal for a Church of England venue to marry a gay couple, senior spokespeople inside the church have insisted that burying them is not a problem.

As one Bishop explained, “I’ve read the Bible many times, and at no point does it mention not putting gay people in a box and putting that box into a 6 foot deep hole.”

“If it did, then we wouldn’t do it. But funerals are quite lucrative, you know? So we’d be silly to turn away a big potential market like the gay community.”

“We’re even offering 2 for 1 deals on gay couples.”

Gay funerals ‘absolutely fine’

The move has been welcomed by the Church of England congregation, with many giving their wholehearted support to dealing with dead homosexuals.

Church regular Simon Williams told us, “I’ve got no problem with dead gays, it’s the alive ones I have issues with.”

“Jesus never said one word about dead gays, so it’s fine. Well, technically speaking, he never said anything about the alive ones either, but it’s probably best not to go there.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: