Tuesday 11 December 2012 by Waylandsmithy

Motorists reminded fog lights aren’t bloody Christmas decorations


Fog lights

Britain’s drivers are being gently reminded that those really bright lights on both ends of their cars aren’t for celebrating Christmas.

With such a wildly misleading name, the RAC conceded that some might not understand exactly what a ‘fog light’ is for.

“You know when you can’t see because it’s all sort of cloudy and grey?” asked George Draper of the moronotorist association.

“Well that means it’s either foggy, or your suffering from cataracts.”

Draper explained that there are some simple rules about when it’s OK to blind other road users, but accepted they were well beyond most people.

“If you’re in any doubt at all, there’s a simple thing you can do”, said Draper.

“Switch the ignition off, walk a short distance away from the car and consider catching a fucking bus.”

Fog decorations

With temperatures falling below zero, Draper also agreed that ‘windows that are all frosty’ do indeed look very festive.

“I suppose you might make it to work without first clearing enough to see out”, said Draper.

“A mitten-sized patch should do, but if it turns out it’s not, don’t worry: the emergency services prefer cutting people out of vehicles that looks a bit Christmassy.”

Draper had been due to talk about how fog lights can be used to punish other drivers, or evaporate cars in front of you that aren’t traveling fast enough.

But his ability to control a press conference was diminished by this point, as he was simultaneously writing a text message, eating a cheeseburger and picking his nose.

He later barged out of the news conference while flashing a torch at a fat man’s bottom, before stopping suddenly in front of him and calling him a ‘senile old c**t’.

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