Thursday 6 December 2012 by Waylandsmithy

George Osborne ‘starting to feel more Christmassy’


Chancellor George Osborne has admitted he’s ‘at last starting to feel a bit Christmassy’, after a sudden temperature drop on both sides of the Commons.

With a frosty reception widely forecast, Osborne had dug out his thermal reindeer pants and spent an hour or two preparing to jangle Balls.

“A spot of pantomime always cheers me up”, claimed Osborne.

“I love the bit when the crowd shout ‘recession!’ and I look all smug, and shout back ‘it’s behind you!'”

“Although this year, I thought it best to bellow out ‘It’s not behind you and it won’t be for another six years, according to my preliminary economic estimates!’.”

Osborne Statement

With only 11 expense-claiming days to go until Christmas, Osborne had been wondering how he’d manage to squeeze in his last-minute shopping.

“The high streets can be hell at this time of year”, he admitted. “But for some reason, the shops were deserted after my latest statement on the economy.”

“I guess it’s the public’s way of thanking me for all my hard work.”

Osborne explained that a debate in the Commons always made him feel more festive.

“There’s something magical about being surrounded by so many boozy puddings”, he insisted.

But not everyone has got into the spirit. When the shadow chancellor stammered ‘p-please sir, can we have some more easing?’ Osborne claimed Balls simply hadn’t done his homework.

“He’s read out the wrong Dickens”, he complained. “The only ‘olive twist’ around here is the one in my martini. I’ve made it perfectly clear that you lot are doing the one with Scrooge in.”

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