Wednesday 5 December 2012 by Formelia Alberthine

Poor quality French sperm makes London ideal for European sperm banking industry, claims Boris


As the sperm count in French men fell by a third, Boris Johnson took the opportunity to insist that the City of London is the ideal location for the European sperm banking industry.

The Mayor of London outlined the intransigence of the Gallic brand of semen as being a major threat to the ongoing viability of the fertility sector within the Eurozone.

Speaking outside his London home, he said, “It would appear that the legendary French stubbornness is something that far precedes entering the wombs of their forebears, for it is cast well before its departure from the loins of its men.”

“For even the microscopic bedfellow of recreation that is the fundamental wonder of semen, finds itself too entrenched in its historic stereotype to do the decent thing and procreate in the manner it was designed, and for which some now pay.”

“It is this very vestige of the French psyche that places the virulent, and I might add, compliant English spunk at the cutting edge of a trade in desperate need of a new home, the City of London.”

Johnson on French sperm

Johnson was adamant that other Eurozone members’ members should shed their load on British soil to negate the chances of their loinal flush being tarnished with a French provenance.

“I implore the men of the continent, to do right by their old chap, and pass its bounty on in a sterile chamber within the confines of the home of binge drinking and underage pregnancy.”

“Welcome to London.”

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