Wednesday 5 December 2012 by Gary Stanton

Male infidelity linked to ownership of cock and pair of balls


Scientists studying patterns of male fidelity have found a correlation between men who cheat and those who possess a functioning set of genitals.

The study found that facial clues to fidelity such as a prominent jaw or sticky-out ears mean very little when a male is confronted with an attractive set of jugs and the impulse to act on them.

Conversely, men who had lost their genitals in an accident with a threshing machine, or had microscopic jizz hammers on account of a cruel twist of genetics, were much less likely to hump your best friend while curling their bicep in a full-length mirror.

Research shows therefore that women should be able to judge a man’s fidelity simply by staring at his groin area and looking for a raised area of trouser suggestive of a penis.

Infidelity link found

In an experiment, women were shown pictures of men with flat pubic areas, or ‘cameltoe’, and correctly identified them as reliable, stay-at-home types, less likely to cheat or blow the family budget on a large fierce dog.

As a result scientists found that women should be wary of genital-possessing celebrities such as Phillip Schofield, Nicky Campbell and Dave Lee Travis, but have nothing to fear from the likes of George Osborne or Michael Gove.

However, the study also found that men were useless at picking out women who had a history of cheating, or as they are more commonly referred to during the tests, ‘slags’.

The University of Western Australia research team summed up, “If you were penetrated from behind by Michael Gove you would be unlikely to feel a thing.”

“However, it’s odds-on that he would remember your birthday and whether you are allergic to peanuts.”

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