Wednesday 5 December 2012 by Ross Chapman

Julian Assange’s health critical following publicity bypass


Friends of Julian Assange fear that his physical and mental health is deteriorating inside the Ecuadorian embassy after his recent hi-profile publicity bypass.

Those close the wikileaks founder demand that vital measures must be taken to safeguard his well-being.

Julian Assange has remained holed up in the south American embassy since June.

“He is being deprived of his basic physiological and psychological needs” explained a source close to Assange,

“He has been denied access to the vital oxygen of publicity, and as a result has developed a chronic lung problem”.

A friend added that Assange “has been out of the media spotlight for far too long, and is developing a severe case of underexposure which is turning his skin a ghostly pallor”.

Assange illness

Friends are concerned that he is also suffering from a general feeling of irrelevance as western democratic governments get on with the job of ruling their countries without first seeking his approval.

His supporters, however, have plenty of solutions to offer.

“We have suggested that the embassy expands to occupy the adjacent premises to protect Assange’s ego from claustrophobia,” said a friend.

“The extension should be furnished with plenty of full length mirrors”.

Another source claimed that “arrangements should be made for Assange to address adoring masses of followers from the embassy balcony”.

It is expected that Assange’s friends will pay for actors to be bussed in to swell the crowds to sufficient numbers.

If these measures do not succeed, his supporters want to organise the broadcasting of a special edition of ‘I am a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here’.

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