West Ham striker Andy Carroll is at the centre of a performance enhancing drug storm following allegations he successfully hit something he aimed at during a boozy team weekender in a Dublin bar.
Reports allege the Geordie, on loan from Liverpool, took exception to being photographed in his natural habitat before launching a successful attack on the snapper.
West Ham manager, Sam Allardyce, said the discernible improvement in the performance of British football’s most ineffectual clothes horse was proof of the positive impact of alcohol, rather than performance enhancing drugs.
He told reporters, “The allegations would appear to support the view that alcohol has dramatically improved Big Andy’s strike rate – one attempt on target, one strike on target.”
“But this was not performance enhancing at all. Andy’s always had this ability inside him – just look at his track record in Newcastle’s Bigg Market.”
Andy Carroll strike rate
Allardyce concluded, “Look, there’s as much chance the booze helped Andy hit the target as there is of him proving he is worth £35 million.”
West Ham fan, Charlie Trump, supported the comments made by Allardyce and urged him to release Carroll onto the football pitch in a frenzied state of drunkeness when he returns from injuring people.
“The boy’s instinctively useless in front of goal, but load him up with booze and he is a far more dangerous to anyone he faces.”