Monday 3 December 2012 by Formelia Alberthine

Making it look like I know what I’m doing taking longer than planned, admits Osborne


Finding new ways to screw the poorest members of society to bridge the financial gap created by the mistakes of its richest, is requiring far more time than previously envisaged, the Chancellor George Osborne has conceded.

Speaking to the BBC, the former Bullingdon Club member pleaded with those families suffering most at his hands for more time to implement policies designed to imperil them further.

He insisted he needed the time to ensure the wealthy maintained their stranglehold on the country’s purse strings.

“I can appreciate it may grate a little to ask for more time to resurrect the prospects a nation of families now too poor to buy a cap to go begging with,” began the chancellor.

“But let me say this, it surely must grate no more than my realising the pilfering of the working classes has been insufficient in mopping up the mess of the Eton-alumni I class as my brethren, must it?”

“So I ask the electorate to just stop for a minute, and ask, ‘How must George be feeling?”

Osborne needs time

George Osborne victim, Sheila Mount, said she would be more interested in giving more of her hard earned money to see the Chancellor granted far less time to execute his ambitions.

“How long should it take for a man to take every penny from the poor person’s wallet?”

“One can only assume he is as poor at counting, as the rest of the nation is financially.”

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