Tuesday 27 November 2012 by Spacey

We’re still arseholes, confirms UKIP’s culture spokesman


Winston McKenzie UKIP

After a recent surge in popularity, UKIP’s culture spokesman Winston McKenzie has moved quickly to highlight that they are still contemptible twats.

Mr McKenzie has quashed concerns that their general arseholery was being overlooked by the electorate by insisting that gay adoption is a form of child abuse.

The former boxer, who is standing in the Croydon North by-election on Thursday called for a ban on gay people adopting while he repeatedly shouted, “Bummers” and used a baseball bat to smash up Elton John CDs.

The public have spoken of their relief at Mr McKenzie’s comments.

“I’m relieved because I’d started to feel a bit of sympathy for them after that foster couple had those children taken away,” said 43 year-old, Helen Ayres.

“But now that Mr McKenzie has reminded everyone of what a bunch of wankers they actually are, hopefully things can get back to normal.”

UKIP adoption policy

The party, whose dislike of things forms the basis for their entire manifesto, had enjoyed a ratings increase in the polls, leading to Conservative MP for Lichfield Michael Fabricant suggesting a pact between the two parties.

However, since Mr McKenzie’s remarks, Fabricant has distanced himself from the suggestion quicker than his hairpiece distanced itself from his head during the recent high winds.

UKIP leader Nigel Farage had dismissed talk of a Conservative/Ukip pact unless someone “grown up and sensible like Michael Gove” was in charge.

“Christ, they’re even more mental than I thought,” commented Mrs Ayres.

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