Monday 26 November 2012

Football fan theory in chaos as Chelsea fans remember things said about them


Current football fan theory was left in tatters last night after witnesses claimed to have seen clear evidence of Chelsea fans remembering what Rafa Benitez said about them over two years ago.

The new Chelsea manager was subject to abuse and chanting from his own fans in what many described as a ‘incredible demonstration of memory skills’ from the Chelsea supporters.

Until this point the accepted wisdom within the research community was that Chelsea fans acted on impulse alone, with their actions controlled by the Amygdala part of the brain, and only the stimuli in their immediate vicinity.

However, incessant chanting at a man who called them “passionless flag wavers” over two years ago suggests they have the ability to recall past experiences, and adapt their behaviour accordingly.

As one witness described, “I’m not sure if they all remembered, or if they were led by one fan who somehow developed memory capability – but it was incredibly impressive nonetheless.”

Chelsea fans abuse Benitez

The new evidence will lead to a re-evaluation of all currently held beliefs about the  behaviour of Chelsea fans.

“We must throw away the book on Chelsea fans – this changes everything,” insisted one researcher.

“Yesterday’s chanting points to a moderately functional cerebrum, from which they are drawing past experiences to influence current behaviour.  This is groundbreaking stuff.”

“It’s a bit like when we saw that bird using tools to forage for food a couple of weeks ago.  Except with tattoos.”

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