Friday 23 November 2012 by Waylandsmithy

Nick Clegg ‘disappointed’ by unambitious carbon target lies


Nick Clegg has criticized the government’s recently announced energy policy, claiming the lies about carbon targets could have been much more far-reaching and unachievable.

“If we’re talking about targets for 15 years from now, there’s next to no chance we’ll be in power anyway”, Clegg pointed out.

“So why not make even more elaborate promises, such as eliminating carbon altogether by the year 2425?”

Clegg has printed 35,000 cards that pledge to fix pretty much everything in the distant future, using green ink because ‘that normally solves everything’.

“In centuries from now, people won’t even know what carbon is, because of me”, beamed Clegg.

“We’ll have fired every last bit of the bloody stuff into space, using windmills.”

Clegg on carbon emissions

The deputy PM also dealt with the thorny issue of nuclear power, by inventing a new plant in 2130 that is 100% safe and smells of rainbows.

Warming to the principle of being held completely unaccountable for far-off policies, Clegg formed a Liberal Democrat Alliance, which will rule over an artificial moon from 2208.

“I will be the virtuous and respected king of this imaginary sceptered orb”, decreed Clegg.

“I know this will please the voters, because I’ve listened to them and they insist I must live on a different planet.”

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