An eight year-old girl has thanked the users of social network Facebook after enough of them shared her photo to allow her recovery from cancer.
Candice Williams spoke of her relief that enough people were willing to take the time to share a photo of her with no hair and tubes in every orifice to ensure her recovery was possible.
She told reporters,”I really can’t thank them enough – because without them, the doctors probably wouldn’t have tried very hard to save me.”
“Plus I think Mark Zuckerburg tracks these things and pays for the treatment of kids whose photos get a hundred thousand likes. I think it was $1 a share last time I checked.”
“He definitely mentioned this cost item in his last earnings call to investors. Probably.”
Facebook photo cure
Williams went on, “I feel sorry for the kids that don’t get many shares of their photo, because the hospitals and social media billionaires won’t help them because they don’t think anyone cares about them.”
37 year-old social media user Dave Smith told us, “I spend all day sharing photos of terribly sad things because someone told me Facebook would donate some money to them if I did.”
“What? Sure, I’ll do that for you, but I don’t see why you want me to put my head in the oven.”
The Liberal Democrats have latched onto the seemingly foolproof scheme which appears to help dying things by launching their own photo campaign.
A not-even-slightly-viral photo of Nick Clegg looking sad appeared on no-one’s timeline with the caption, “1 like equals a prayer, and hopefully someone will donate 50p for every share of this endangered Lib Dem MP.”
However, non-moron Michael James explained, “Look, if you want to help sick kids by pressing a button on your computer, how about you just make sure it’s the donate button on the Cancer Research page?”