Sunday 18 November 2012 by Spacey

Polls reveal that Lib Dems now less popular than spoilt ballot papers


The Lib Dems have been left reeling after the recent police commissioner elections revealed that they are now less popular than complete disillusionment.

The Conservative Party’s coalition partners had slumped behind UKIP, but recent polls show they are now receiving less support than ‘None of the above’ and ‘they’re all wankers’.

Lib Dems have pointed to the low turnout at the elections as they try to explain how they’ve been overtaken by scrawls of ‘useless bunch of pricks!’ in Thursday’s commissioner elections.

“Of course it’s disappointing,” admitted a Lib Dem spokesperson.

“We’ve had to make some difficult decisions since we came to government, but as people start to recognise that we are doing the right thing I’m sure you will see us make up ground on ‘Fuck off!’ and ‘Twats!’.

Lib Dem election results

The low turnout has led to a Newport man being accidentally appointed a police commissioner after he wrote his own name on his ballot paper and placed an X next to it.

34 year-old Graham Jones had intended for the addition of his name to be a sign of protest at what he described as “the politicisation of the police force”, but due to the low turnout he now has full control of the police budget for Gwent.

Mr Jones revealed that he was surprised at winning the election, but insisted his lack of qualifications for the job wouldn’t be a problem.

“Having absolutely no understanding or experience of what you’re taking charge of is irrelevant,” he said.

“Just look at Michael Gove.”

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