Monday 12 November 2012 by The Whomper

Newsnight used ‘Guess Who?’ game to reveal potential Tory paedophiles


The Newsnight team was forced on the defensive yet again over the weekend, after it was revealed that they had sought to identify paedophiles by playing the board game ‘Guess Who?’ with victims.

During the BBC show’s investigation, those abused as children were given a choice of 24 cards, each with a different character on it.

They then responded to a series of yes or no questions, such as ‘Does he have an unsettling moustache?’, until the precise face of their abuser was revealed in cartoon form.

“We felt it was the most tactful way of broaching the issue, as well as being an extremely advanced facial recognition technique,” commented presenter Eddie Mair.

“We didn’t want to risk sticking a photo of their former tormenters in their faces and bring their demons flooding back.”

Newsnight used ‘Guess Who?’

However, the BBC has strongly denied suggestions that it had trivialised a serious matter.

A spokesman responded, “It wasn’t like we just used a standard version of the “Guess Who?” picture cards. Oh no, we made a concerted effort to ‘paedo-style’ them.”

“First we used a pencil to give all the females more manly features, like stubble and mono-brows. Then we got a junior assistant to ‘Tory up’ the faces with a permanent marker.”

“This basically involved drawing a monocle onto some of them, and an air of inbred superiority onto others.”

“We also removed all the black characters, for obvious reasons.”

Once the card resembling Lord McAlpine was chosen, editors did consider contacting him, but, according to a source, “when they heard he was in Italy they thought, ‘well he’s probably having an ice-cream watching a sunset somewhere, so let’s not ruin his week’.”

“They then went on about how much it costs to phone Italy, muttering that ‘there’s a fine line between journalistic responsibility and decadence, and that’s 38p per minute’.”

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