Monday 12 November 2012

Nadine Dorries trying to turn ‘having cockroaches on face’ into metaphor for abortion reform


Nadine Dorries has spent the night wondering how she can turn being submerged in box of cockroaches into a platform to discuss abortion reform.

The Conservative MP, currently facing a bush tucker trial in TV show I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, confided in camp mates that she is keen to advance her pro-life agenda whilst in front of the cameras.

“It’s difficult,” she told the diary room, “I’m here to promote my agenda, but I have to find a way to relate it to the disgusting things I’m doing.”

“I’m currently thinking that spending 10 minutes covered in bugs is something I don’t want to do, but it’s the right thing to do, morally. So that’s a bit like abortion reform, right?”

“I didn’t get to ‘choose’ what challenge I took without first being ‘counselled’ by the public who told me the right thing to do here.”

“And that’s not done me any hard, has it?”

Dorries in the jungle

Viewers of the show have insisted they would quite like to see Dorries proclaiming that ‘life begins at conception’ whilst a series of frighteningly fast-moving bugs try to get into her mouth.

Simon Williams, “I’m pro-choice personally, but I’ll happily listen to her advance the Christian agenda if there’s a very real chance of a cockroach making its way into her nasal cavity.”

“And I’m sure the best way to hear a lecture on why the abortion limit should move from 24 to 20 weeks is when the speaker has a mouth full of Kangaroo penis.”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

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