Thursday 8 November 2012 by Gary Stanton

Cameron trialling app to aid government U-turns


A mobile app designed to aid in reversing decisions made by government is being trialled by Prime Minister, David Cameron.

The app, which has the working title of ‘U-Turn If U Want To’, was developed by the Cabinet Office’s digital team – and pulls in data posted to Facebook and Twitter by people who think he’s a knob.

A source said that the app would be “rolled out across Whitehall” and would give ministers a more immediate and honest view over what is happening in the country.

It will be available as an icon on Mr Cameron’s iPad, situated next to the one for Angry Birds and slightly to the left of the folder marked “Uninteresting Financial Stuff”.

PMs new app

However, the app ran into controversy 24 hours after the PM announced a suspension of the badger cull, when it told Cameron to ‘kill all badgers cos they give cows TB – LOL!’.

The app went on to inform the PM that he was a ‘posh twat’ and that he ‘should do it with his bare hands’.

The app was also heavily critical of the government’s policy U-turn on buzzards, describing the majestic birds of prey as “shithouses” and likening them to gay eagles, but probably stronger than kestrels.

Those close to Cameron claim he has become too reliant on the software and warned anyone hovering on a thermal near the M56 to take great care.

Indeed, after spending two hours on the app last night, Cameron announced that he may introduce a pasty tax after all, claiming they were ‘far too cheap’ and ‘have you seen the size of that Eric Pickles? – lol’.

“Yeah, pasties – we were wrong on that. And fuck this austerity lark for a game of soldiers. I’m going to give more money to Brussels. Chips with mayonnaise anyone?” he concluded.

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