Thursday 8 November 2012 by Ollie Perks

BBC feared alien ‘first contact’ might include a swear word


The BBC banned the nation’s favourite scientist, Professor Brian Cox, from trying to communicate with aliens due to fears first contact could see them using recognisable expletives.

The corporation was said to be fearful that after recent allegations, ‘first contact’ may contain post-watershed language, or even turn ‘sexual’.

“We took no chances,” the Director General told us.

“We have a moral responsibility to look after anyone who comes into contact with the BBC. Many kids have been screwed by the organisation, but we are not giving E.T. the chance to point the finger.”

Professor Cox revealed the BBC’s concern during an interview on Radio 6 Music.

He told both of their listeners that he would could never get aroused around strange-looking life forms, claiming never to have ‘raised so much as a semi in the company of Dara O’Briain’.

BBC Alien search ‘banned’

Despite his protestations, he did make one admission to his army of housewife followers on twitter.

“Although I have never actually touched an alien inappropriately, I may have played with ‘little Cox’ watching Mork and Mindy”.

He later backtracked claiming to have never fancied Robin Williams, unless of course he was dressed as Mrs Doubtfire.

Whilst fears grow over the safety of young extras and young extra terrestrials at the BBC, an investigation has uncovered possible wrong-doing by journalists reporting on possible UFO sightings at Roswell Airbase in America.

One Conspiracy theorist told us he thinks sexual abuse on aliens is the reason the US government covered up their visit.

“We may not have any concrete proof, but witness statements from the time clearly show a man wearing a protective shell-suit and smoking a cigar visited the airbase on several occasions.”

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