Wednesday 7 November 2012 by Ollie Perks

Traffic chaos as global leaders cram back into Obama’s arse


There has been traffic chaos in the Washington D.C area this morning as leaders from around the world crawl back to position themselves firmly inside Barack Obama’s arse.

The move comes just weeks after they evacuated the Presidents rear-end in preparation of a Mitt Romney win.

One of the first in line to congratulate President Obama and secure prime position through his sphincter was UK Prime Minister David Cameron.

“I think he’s a very successful US president” the PM said in a statement.

“And with his campaign only costing £3 Billion it is finally proof that austerity works.”

Ed Miliband was not far behind saying Obama’s victory was built on creating a ‘fairer economy’, and proves with the campaign costing a massive £3 Billion, public spending on frivolous things was the only way to go.

Obama global congratulations

To show they are in touch with the rest of Europe, Germany’s Angela Merkel and France’s François Hollande shared the cost of the journey back to Obama’s posterior, with the jointly hired private jet arriving at dawn, just as the sun started shining out of his arse again.

The election victory has not just been welcomed by political figures.

Donald Trump who was once firmly against Obama has said, “This is a great way to show the world immigrants can aspire to do well in the good old US of A.”‘

However, not every one’s attempt at jumping on the bandwagon has been welcomed, with Chelsea football club having to apologise after John Terry tried to make a victory speech on Obama’s behalf.

A statement from the club said, “We regret John’s actions, but he was not trying to claim credit for the President’s re-election. He just wanted to publicly show that some of his closest presidents were black.”

“Although with hindsight, offering to have ‘celebratory sex’ with Michelle Obama was maybe taking it to far.”

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