Monday 5 November 2012

Badgers criticise Ash tree cull


The badger community has asked what is going on with this nation’s blood lust after the government announced plans for a cull of 50,000 Ash trees.

The move comes after the dieback fungal disease was found amongst the Ash population, leading to early calls to kill everything in sight.

“I just don’t get you people,” said a badger spokebadger.

“One little sign of sickness in a community and it’s the death penalty for all. It’s barbaric, frankly, and you should be ashamed of yourselves.”

“And they don’t do it humanely, either.  It’s all axes, chainsaws and fire – positively medieval.”

“But it’s very much one rule for the humans, another for everything else. Where is the napalm when someone at a nursery school contracts measles?”

“The very least you can do is be consistent with your wanton disregard for life.”

Ash tree cull

The disease has now been seen in 52 locations around the country, leading to members of the public attacking otherwise healthy trees for fear of further spread.

Simon Williams explained, “The leaves on the tree at the end of the street are going brown, it’s disgusting – it must have that zombie tree thing that’s going around.”

“So yeah, I took to it with a baseball bat.”

“I’ve been going for a couple of hours now and I’ve barely made a dent – but it must be destroyed, obviously.”

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