Tuesday 30 October 2012 by Gary Stanton

Hurricane Sandy considering changing its name by Deed Poll


The hurricane currently destroying a large swathe of the Eastern United States is considering changing its name to something slightly less effeminate, according to reports.

Sandy, a powerful Category Two hurricane, is believed to have shed up to 2 billion cubic litres of water after enduring cruel taunts about its sexuality.

The hurricane has been on the receiving end of abuse from nearby weather systems such as ‘beefcake’ hurricane Rambo and tropical storm Tyler , who is currently preparing to upgrade.

Sandy has been plagued by self-esteem issues since starting out as a minor disturbance in the Caribbean Sea two weeks ago.

The hurricane has since ballooned in size to over 900 miles across after absorbing far too much warm air.

“When I saw the list of designated names I thought ‘Come on man, you can’t go saddling a deep area of low pressure with a name like Sandy’. I’ll never hear the end of it.”

“Seriously , I’ve had enough. There are perfectly good names out there like Steve. Or how about Starsky?”

“Was he the handsome blonde one? I always get the two mixed up.”

Sandy rebranding

Last night Hurricane Rambo was quick to pour scorn on Sandy’s makeover attempts.

“Most hurricanes follow a pretty much straight trajectory before crashing into Florida. But not Sandy, oh no, she has to veer off course. Just sayin’.”

The case has echoes of Hurricane Rupert, who deposited up to 12 inches of rain on Nebraska before turning up in San Francisco , where he opened a secondhand bookshop.

Sandy, meanwhile, was unrepentant.

“Every time my name is called at the dentist, every time I go though a passport control, for example when I make landfall, I can see the people smirking. From now on I’m Hurricane Starsky, I just need it in writing”, she told us.

“See that three metre high wall of water? That’s me hurting.”

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