As the investigation into Jimmy Savile’s alleged 40-year trail of child sex abuse implicated a number of other celebrities, some experts have warned that prisons might soon actually start resembling holiday camps.
With prisons already providing sub-standard food and cramped accommodation, the introduction of numerous washed-up celebrities could lead to the Sun newspaper accidentally being right about something.
“Gary Glitter has been arrested and allegations have also been made against Freddie Starr,” said governor of Wandsworth prison, Kenny Brown.
“All we need now is for Nookie Bear and Mr Blobby to be implicated and you’ve got the 1994 line-up for the Butlins summer season at Bognor Regis.”
Prison holiday camp
UK holiday camps have expressed their own concerns over a possible shortage of entertainers once the police have finished their investigation.
A spokeswoman for Pontins revealed that if the abuse is as wide-reaching as some experts fear, it could decimate the entertainment schedule at holiday camps for years to come.
“Holidaymakers who visit one of our camps expect to be entertained,” she said.
“Admittedly this is generally down to not having read the brochure properly, but we still have to provide them with something.”
“Based on some of our current acts the audience are more likely to end up playing a game of sex predator whodunit.”
“Allegedly,” she added.