Friday 26 October 2012 by Waylandsmithy

Patent row breaks out over Mount Sinai tablet


With a battery life of centuries and boasting the world’s first eGranite text, faithful fans are queuing impatiently for the new iMoses tablet.

Weighing in at 25 bushels and compatible with Christian, Jewish and Islamic operating systems, the tablet is expected to be the number one distraction in many people’s lives.

But while rectangular things with words on have always caused rows and untold bloodshed, the iMoses is the subject of a particularly bitter patent row.

“We were definitely the first to come up with a decimal commandment system”, insisted a spokesman for the Vatican.

“But this legal row is more to do with who owns the rights to the instruction book.”

Tablet patent row

iMoses has so far been sold with the Torah, Quran and the Bible, but subtle differences between these manuals are fueling heated threats of excommunication, penitence and fatwahs.

These endless threats and counter-threats can be confusing to the consumer.

“I quite fancied an iMoses as it’s comforting to have something to turn to in times of boredom on the train”, explained Nigel Planter.

“And it seemed secure, because it had ‘thou shalt not steal’ written on the front.”

Mr Planter was wary of taking his instruction manual too literally, but was shocked to learn that by not doing so, he’d invalidated his eternal warranty.

Parent groups have also complained that some iMoses content is unsuitable for children.

Clerics have hinted that this will be addressed by the launch of a new, smaller tablet, with all the bits about adultery and coveting chiselled off.

iMoses is expected to start shipping within 40 days, via a big, wooden boat that smells of all kinds of animal crap.

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