Thursday 25 October 2012

Anti-doping campaigners demand Keith Richards’ removal from Rolling Stones record book


Anti-doping campaigners have today launched their campaign to see Keith Richards’ name removed from any record associated with the Rolling Stones.

With competitive cycling now rid of Lance Armstong, anti-dopers have now set their sights on the recording industry.

Spokesperson for Make Music Clean, Simon Williams, explained, “We have signed affidavits from musicians going back thirty years who insist Richards was under the influence at the time of all of the Rolling Stones’ recordings.”

“There’s also video evidence of Richards himself admitting to being ‘off his tits’ for years at a time – yet still his name remains on the records. Why?”

“For too long the music industry and its sponsors have been far too happy to rake in the cash whilst the musicians blatantly benefit from evening-enhancing drugs – but no more.”

“What sort of message does this send to the aspiring musicians out there, that you can have a world record-breaking career whilst ingesting all manner of illegal substances along the way?”

“Not a good one, certainly.”

Anti-doping reaches music industry

Make Music Clean have insisted Richards’ history of drug taking will ultimately ruin the legacy he has built up in the last fifty years.

Williams continued, “I have no doubt he will look back on his career with a feeling of shame when he realises all those incredible albums mean nothing because of the drugs.”

“Personally speaking the opening riffs of Paint It Black and Gimme Shelter have been ruined forever now that I know Richards wasn’t clean when he created them.  I feel cheated.”

Music fan Jane Smithers told us, “Look, if we’re planning to remove all drug takers from music history, is there any way to prove James Blunt was a heroin addict?”

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