Monday 22 October 2012

George Osborne to stick to horse-drawn carriages


Chancellor George Osborne is put his train ticket debacle behind him after insisting he will only travel by horse-drawn carriage from now on.

With the furore surrounding his first class train journey still to die down, aides have said a return to horse-drawn carriage will be a calming effect on Osborne.

As one explained, “The trip to the House of Commons will be a pleasant enough one, and the good news is that people visiting the capital will immediately know it’s the Chancellor.”

“We’re having one equipped with wifi so that whilst he’s travelling he can get his computer out and play Draw Something.”

“Sure, any meetings north of Shepherd’s Bush might have to be postponed for now, but we never enjoy visiting those parts anyway.”

Osborne First Class ticket

Political analysts have claimed that putting Osborne a position to mix with the general public was always a strategy fraught with potentially catastrophic dangers.

As Simon Williams told us, “Can you imagine if he’d actually entered into a conversation with a potential voter on a train? It’s these sort of disasters that ruin political careers overnight.”

“Fortunately the chances of him conversing with a prole in one of his carriages is slim to none – unless he’s getting it cleaned, of course.”

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