Monday 22 October 2012 by Waylandsmithy

Commissioner Gordon launches election campaign with pamphlets, big Batman lamp


Gotham City’s police commissioner Gordon kicked off his election campaign last night, as he showed off a new pamphlet and his big Batman lamp.

Gordon faces tough competition to keep his current job, since it was announced that future commissioners would be elected by the public.

The incumbent commissioner has a good track record in the largely administrative role, having reduced overall police spending by around 15%.

But there’s no guarantee his job is safe, with opinion polls criticising his ‘boring press conferences’ and ‘lack of vengeful rhetoric’.

“I’m proud of my work in streamlining the procurement chain, but the public just don’t seem to be interested”, complained Gordon.

“They want more of a focus on brutal acts of revenge, which is where my big Batman lamp comes in.”

Police Commissioner elections

Gotham’s police force has long relied on help from the public, particularly reclusive millionaires with a cave full of weapons.

And while justice consultant Bruce Wayne acknowledged that Gordon had ‘stripped away many needless layers of bureaucracy’, he still believes tacit support for vigilantism is key to winning the election.

“I’m perfect for the role of commissioner”, insisted Gordon. “I have good listening skills, I can type 50 words per minute, and I have a big lamp that attracts violent bat fetishists.”

Focus groups have welcomed the shift in campaigning. “There’s relatively little interest in competent management skills”, confirmed Wayne, “but promise to shoot a few burglars and they go absolutely nuts.”

Wayne hopes other senior civil servants will be elected in future, and has offered to use his experience to head the campaign for a new chair of the Scientific Advisory Panel.

“It might seem like a job that you should get on merit”, explained Wayne, “but my guy can win it, if we can just find a radioactive spider to bite him.”

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