Saturday 20 October 2012

Leeds fan eagerly awaiting results of Mensa application


The Leeds fan who assaulted Chris Kirkland during yesterday’s match against Sheffield Wednesday has said he’s ‘optimistic’ about his chances of joining high-IQ society Mensa.

In celebrating his side’s equaliser, the fan took to the pitch and eloquently channeled the wit of Oscar Wilde by slapping Kirkland in the eye.

As one witness to the incident explained, “It was an impressive display of intellect, make no mistake.”

“Not everyone could have been so erudite in their response to an equalising goal. Some people just don’t have to brains required to express themselves in this way.”

“God knows what would have happened if Leeds’ travelling support happened to be populated by violent neanderthals instead of quick-witted intellectuals.”

Leeds fan assault on Kirkland

Questioned by reporters after the game, the Leeds fan in question spoke in bullish terms of his recent Mensa application.

He said, “There were coloured boxes and stuff so I angrily drew all over them and threw the booklet against at the wall.”

“Then there were these puzzles where I had to find a word that associated the two words either side of the blank. I just slapped the paper against the desk for ten minutes with that one. So I’m pretty confident, yeah.”

“I imagine they really value out of the box thinking like this, don’t they?”

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