With Britain’s football clubs raising the price of a season ticket by around 11% this year, David Cameron is urging fans to ‘shop around’ for a better deal.
“If I was anything like you, then I’d like football”, declared Cameron.
“But I’d also struggle to find an extra £100 for a seasonal invitation. That’s why if I was you, I’d be straight on an Internet, looking for a better value club to swear one’s allegiance to.”
While an Arsenal seasonal invite can cost over £1,000 a year, a similar deal at Montrose can be had for just £90.
With such a variation in the price of standing in the rain and shouting at foreigners, Cameron has promised to force leagues to offer football customers their best deal.
“A lot of Manchester United fans just renew their tickets without thinking”, claimed Cameron.
“Whereas the smarter ones now support Caledonian Thistle’s U21 girls’ team. That’s why from next week, any fan blindly applying for tickets to a club that’s a rip-off will be sent ones to something much more affordable.”
Cost of football survey
Calculating the true cost of supporting a club can be extremely difficult, with confusing tariffs for away games and cups of tea making for some really hard sums.
Often, a fan will just compare pies with pies, without even considering the hidden cost of parking.
But with transport to games making up a large proportion of the budget, the Government will now force fans to support someone that’s nearer to them.
Critics of the plan claim that such a move will stifle competition, and lead to lots of Bentleys being repossessed around Old Trafford.
But Cameron insists there hasn’t been any real competition in years. “Not when you consider how brilliant Liverpool City are. Boris and I are their number one fans.”