Thursday 18 October 2012

Drinking Starbucks in public to become the new ‘defending Jimmy Savile’


Carrying a cup of Starbucks coffee on the street is now the equivalent of defending Jimmy Savile for the ‘work he did for charity’, according to new research.

With tax avoidance schemes fast becoming the new ‘kiddy fiddling’, Starbucks has seen its status elevated to social pariah in just 24 hours.

As one former customer explained, “I couldn’t set foot there again knowing what they did.  They’ve also tainted the many happy memories I have of them.”

“Just to think of all those disgusting accountants doing their nefarious work unseen by those of us who had no idea what was going on makes my stomach turn.”

“You know, it wouldn’t surprise me if the only reason they got into coffee-making in the first place was to make as much money as possible.”

“The smiling faces and delicious drinks are just a front.”

Starbucks tax avoidance

Consumer experts have said there is no way back from this for Starbucks, unless the average high street consumer is incredibly stupid.

“So Starbucks should be back on track by Christmas,” confirmed one analyst.

A Starbucks spokesperson has defended the company’s tax arrangements, insisting no laws have been broken.

“I think it’s very unfair to compare us to alleged kiddy fiddler Jimmy Savile, because everyone we fucked over is old enough to pay tax and therefore not a child.”

“If anything you should compare us to a serial rapist.”

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