Thursday 18 October 2012 by Formelia Alberthine

Criminals commended for adhering to working time directive


Organised criminals in England and Wales have been commended for adhering to the working time directive after official statistics showed a 6% drop in crimes against adults, compared with previous year.

The Office of National Statistics said that whilst they welcomed the criminal fraternity’s attempts to comply with UK employment laws, it may reveal that organised crime syndicates are simply becoming more ‘efficient’.

Home Office spokesman, Bill Mount, agreed a drop in crime represented good news but was concerned that the micro management of a criminals timetable presented a far greater threat than previous opportunistic sprees.

He told us, “In reality, this is quite disturbing news and raises some paradoxical challenges for police forces across the country.”

“Do they revel in the statistics that to the naked eye may suggest to the public an improvement in policing, or tremble themselves into a quivering mess at the prospect of criminals exploiting the positives of employment law to refine their operations?”

Crime figures

Career criminal, Trep Mahoney, was happy with developments at the cutting edge of his industry.

“Hopefully, we can work closely with the police to continue to massage these figures in everyone’s favour.”

“I’m personally delighted to be contributing to a fall in crime whilst filling my boots with far greater efficiency than ever before.”

“You’re welcome.”

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