Tuesday 16 October 2012

Editor responsible for cutting paedophiles out of Top of the Pops repeats hospitalised with exhaustion


The BBC editor responsible for cutting paedophiles out of BBC4 repeats of Top of the Pops has been hospitalised suffering from exhaustion, according to the corporation.

Mark Collins, 45, had only just finished expunging every single instance of Jonathan King from the archives, and emerged blinking into the sunlight last week to be told of the allegations against Jimmy Savile.

Collins then returned to his darkened editing suite and just rocked back and forth in the corner for a few moments before beginning at 1964 again.

Also consigning Gary Glitter’s numerous appearances to the cutting room floor as well as so many dodgy DJ links has meant that some of the 30-minute episodes will now come in at under seven-and-a-half minutes, meaning that four can now be shown in a single timeslot, thus increasing Collins’s workload exponentially.

After a 72-hour non-stop editing session, Collins stopped for a quick break when he was seen reading a newspaper, muttering, “John Peel? How old? This is like painting the Forth Bridge.”

TOTP 2

Viewing the latest version of a 1975 episode, now consisting of little more than a Top 40 rundown that only mentions six acts, and an appearance by The Nolans, Collins then buried his head in his hands, wailing, “That other DJ with the beard now looks like a wrong ‘un too.”

“Better get rid of all 463 appearances by him over the decades.”

Collins was then removed to a secure psychiatric unit and a BBC spokesman said, “To play it safe, we’re just going to show the Top of the Pops opening credits repeatedly for half an hour.”

“Who doesn’t love that version of Whole Lotta Love by Led Zeppelin, a band in no way ever linked with underage groupies?”

“Oh shit.”

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