You have been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for not acting on your deeply-held opinions of all those foreigners, the Nobel Committee has announced today.
In recognition of not starting any world wars in over seventy years, the Nobel Peace Prize is going to everyone in the EU, and some are already proclaiming it to the be the proudest day of their lives.
“I’ve never won anything before,” said Simon Williams, a car mechanic from Basingstoke.
“Not even employee of the month, even though I’ve been here seven years and there’s only five of us on the payroll. So yes, this was a bit out of the blue.”
“This is because I haven’t killed anyone, isn’t it? It’s a daily struggle so I’m glad my efforts are being recognised.”
Nobel Prize for EU
As of midday today the search term “Nobel Peace Prize winner” rendered 2 million hits on recruitment sites such as JobServe and Monster as the unemployed sought to make the most of their new award.
Jobseeker Sharon James explained, “The job market is ruthless, so anything you can do to differentiate yourself can only be helpful.”
“My CV was a bit bland, even after I added my cycling proficiency test results – so this has helped quite a lot.”
“I mean, how many Nobel Prize winners do you think apply for a job on the deli counter at Asda?”
“It’s 24 by the way. I asked.”