Thursday 11 October 2012 by Waylandsmithy

Making the poor more obvious will boost nation’s sense of privilege, claims Cameron


David Cameron has revealed a radical plan to help Britain’s ‘squeezed middle’ experience a heightened sense of privilege and achievement.

Instead of looking up to the richest, the PM wants more to look down on the poorest, and realise just how relatively privileged they are.

“When people read about my private education and all the advantages I’ve had, it’s easy to mistake that feeling of glowing admiration for one of bitter resentment”, explained Cameron.

“But if you look at it from my perspective, you’re just an endless sea of f***ing plebs.”

“We need to build a level playing field, but one with more levels at the bottom.”

Cameron on privilege

Tory back benchers have given a warm welcome to the plan, which will highlight Britain’s poorest by displaying them in skips.

Equipped with hand-bells and filthy rags, the social lepers should draw big crowds, and make others realise they’ve never had it so good.

Cameron has pledged to keep the downtrodden firmly trampled, as a benchmark for relative prosperity.

“If you’re frustrated with your lot, listen out for a homeless who jingles as he sobs”, he suggested. “Remind yourself how well you’re doing by saying ‘there but for the grace of God stays he’.”

With a continuing recession, there’s no shortage of poor people for slightly less poor people to feel superior to.

The educationally sub-useful in particular are prime candidates for a ‘smugging’.

“Some would have it that it takes a big man to see the wider economic picture, but it doesn’t”, insisted Cameron.

“It takes a small man in a bin, wearing bells.”

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