Tuesday 9 October 2012 by Spacey and Gary Stanton

Elderly couple unwittingly develop crystal meth lab


Old man accidentally made a methamphetamine lab

An elderly couple have unwittingly developed a methamphetamine and MDMA chemical factory after inadvertently buying 3.5 metric tons of pseudoephedrine from a car boot sale off the A41.

Simon Williams, 92, and wife Doris, 96, who live in Bedford, had intended to make some sherbet for their ‘grandchildren and other local kiddies’, but after searching the Internet for recipes they accidentally entered the search term ‘reductive amination of phenyl-2-propanone’.

The police have confirmed that they will not be pressing charges and that they are confident that the expansion of Mr and Mrs Williams’ shed complete with chill-out area is for their own use.

“It was an easy mistake for them to make,” said a police spokesperson.

“The Internet can often take you to places that you had no intention of going, and we are entirely satisfied that the numerous books on clandestine chemistry we found at their property were purchased completely unintentionally.”

Pensioners making drugs

Mr Williams insists the experiment, which began as a few test tubes and a bunsen burner and ended up with over 80 metres of sophisticated filtration equipment, was the result of him tinkering around in his garden shed.

“I had no idea what I was doing until the police told me that the sherbet had a street value of £20m.” he explained.

“I remember when I was a lad you could buy a whole bag for less than a penny, although admittedly it didn’t provide the same intense feeling of euphoria.”

Mr Williams began to suspect that there may be more to the sherbet than he initially thought when their granddaughter Sophie, a regular user, shed over eight stone, lost all her teeth and attacked their Jack Russell “Benji” with a claw hammer.

“Maybe I should have asked more questions when I noticed some of the youngsters were smoking it through a glass pipe or injecting it,” he said.

“When I was a lad we used to dab it with a lolly and put it up our anus .”

“Kids today, they don’t know they’re born.”

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