Newcastle fans keen to get their hands on a new Wonga-sponsored replica shirt can get one free today, as long as they’re happy paying £2,520 for it at the end of the season.
Newcastle owner Mike Ashely insisted the new sponsorship deal was great for the industry, as it had been a while since football fans outside Newcastle have had something really humiliating to laugh at.
A club spokesperson explained, “Wonga are synonymous with people too stupid to use a calculator – so take that mental picture, then just take off their shirts and you’ve got yourself a Geordie fan right there.”
“It’s also a great deal for fans, and they can all get a brand new free Newcastle shirt today if they just sign this teeny little binding agreement right here – who doesn’t like that?”
“Of course, our new sponsors have to charge a reasonable rate of interest – which is 4200% APR like all their other loans – but it’s there in the fine print so we’re being totally up front about it.”
“No-one is getting ripped off and Wonga is definitely a legitimate business that is not exploitative in any way whatsoever.”
Newcastle Wonga deal
The terms of the deal will also see a number of changes throughout the Newcastle match-day experience.
The spokesperson went on, “In keeping with our new sponsor’s business practises, a pint will cost you £3 before the game, £4 at half-time, and £6 if you wait until the end of the game to pay for it.”
“Also, in all team talks and press interviews our manager Alan Pardew will be contractually obliged to demand all players give him 4,200% effort.”