After deriding Roy Hodgson’s decision not to include him in England’s Euro 2012 squad, Norwich striker Grant Holt has been offered a collection of Grant Holt videos to bring him up to speed.
Holt was somehow under the misguided impression that one ‘slightly above average’ season in the country’s top-flight at the age of 30 warranted a call-up to the world stage, a misapprehension that some have described as ‘baffling’.
Football analyst Simon Williams explained, “I think the issue here is that Grant Holt doesn’t seem to know much about Grant Holt – and self-awareness is an important attribute on the International stage.”
“I realise it can be difficult to watch coverage of a player when you actually are that player, but I think a few hours watching the Grant Holt that we see on Match of the Day, rather than the Grant Holt he sees in the mirror would make Hodgson’s decision seem perfectly legitimate.”
“You would also think that asking for a transfer, and having absolutely nobody bid for you, would also be a pretty clear indication you’re not as good as you think you are. Clearly not.”
Holt for England
Holt is expected to renew calls for inclusion in the England squad this weekend by lumbering his way through a moderately effective ninety minutes against Chelsea.
Williams continued, “It’s the perfect opportunity for him to shine like a centre-forward with true International credentials.”
“Or, you know, be Grant Holt again.”
“Look, if he really wants to play international football I strongly suggest he does what every other average English player does, go looking for a Scottish or Irish grandparent.”