Thursday 27 September 2012 by Spacey

US Ryder Cup crowd to contain more dickheads than ever before, warns Davis Love III


US captain Davis Love III has warned Europe’s players to expect the packed home galleries to contain a higher volume of loud-mouthed dickheads than ever before as his team battle to win back the Ryder Cup.

Davis Love III revealed that amongst other excruciatingly annoying outbursts the American golf fans have been busy practising the popular moron-pleaser ‘get in the hole’ for several weeks now.

“It’s not just the winning that matters to American golf fans, but how much of an enormous twat they can be before, during and after play,” he said.

“We’re playing at home, and so have to rely on what we Americans do best. And that includes being probably the loudest most opinionated, annoying nation on the planet.”

“But apparently we’re not allowed to invade the European locker room and take the Ryder Cup by force -which was disappointing to hear, but everything else is fair game.”

Ryder Cup

American fans have spoken of their excitement at the prostpect of three days of exciting competition.

One telling us, “Goddam commie Europeans, coming over here with their free healthcare and lack of guns. Who do they think they are?”

“I’m just disappointed Colin Montgomerie isn’t playing – I think we could have made him snap.”

“If we don’t get at least one European charging the gallery wielding a five iron, then we will have failed.”

Another fan concluded, “If any of the Europeans are trying to ignore us, thinking ‘it’s only jeers and shouts’, just remember, we’re probably armed.”

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