After apologising for publishing the Queen’s private opinion of terror suspect Abu Hamza, the BBC has confirmed it is probably best if it doesn’t tell you what Prince Philip said.
The Corporation said is apologised unreservedly for any embarrassment caused to the Queen, before adding that you would probably “shit your pants” if you knew what Prince Philip actually said about him.
A spokesperson for the BBC said, “It’s not that we don’t want to tell you, we just recognise that in this day and age the particular phrasing the Duke of Edinburgh used could probably cause an international incident – or two.”
“I don’t doubt that it’s a sentiment shared by many throughout the country, but no, we won’t be printing the actual words he used. No.”
“No, not even what some of them sounded like, and yes it might have included that one but we’re not saying any more.”
Even those who do not support the monarchy have admitted they’d kind of like to know what the old man said about Hamza.
Republic supporter Simon Williams said, “It will have been something about pirates, I’m pretty sure. Or asking how he made bombs with hooks”
“Or asking if he was auditioning for some ethnic version of Peter Pan.”
“But littered with racial epithets, obviously.”