Tuesday 25 September 2012

Romney campaign now pretty much relying on Obama publicly murdering someone soon


Campaign strategists for presidential nominee Mitt Romney last night admitted that it would be ‘kinda helpful’ if Barack Obama would publicly murder someone right about now.

With Romney’s campaign being likened to the sort of car crash that takes a month to unfold before your eyes, Republicans admit it will take something ‘special’ to see their man in the White House.

Romney campaigner Chuck Williams told us, “The violent homicide of an innocent American by the sitting President would probably do it.”

“Something on camera, and in a really public place would be nice.”

“Our polling suggests a white middle-class woman would serve Mitt’s ratings best, but right now we’d take a black teenager if one were to stumble into his path.”

“If we could get a shot of Obama with his clothes covered in blood that would be a bonus, maybe roaring at the sky over the dead body?”

Romney Campaign

Critics have said the ‘Hoping Obama commits a murder’ strategy is focusing on the negative aspects of the election, without having a proactive strategy of their own.

However Williams countered, “Sure, we’re looking at other strategies, like never letting Mitt speak in public again, or pretending he was hypnotised by aliens and is fully recovered now.”

“But let’s be honest, unless Obama outs himself as a gay Muslim communist, him becoming a murderer is probably still our best bet.”

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