Wednesday 19 September 2012 by Joe Reaney

Jesus credited as original author of ‘Take My Wife’ joke


Following the discovery of an old scrap of papyrus that refers to Jesus’ marriage to Mary Magdalene, experts have also revealed that it contains the first written example of the ‘Take My Wife’ punchline.

The comedy ‘bit’, in which The Saviour riffs on the subject of parking the donkey, followed by a light-hearted attempt to get shot of His prostitute spouse, is “equal parts hilarious and sacred” according to Professor Peter Lord.

“A morality tale about the treatment of mules, followed by a gentle jibe at a disciple – this is precisely the kind of tomfoolery one expects from the self-proclaimed Son of God”.

Holy humour

However, many other experts were shocked by the discovery.

“Considering His followers include the likes of Margaret Thatcher and Pope Benedict XVI, we’d always assumed that Jesus was a right stuffy bugger,” reveals professional bible-baiter Godfrey Knightly.

“But now they’ve revealed his love of punning, we need to have a serious re-think.”

Fellow faith-hater Dawn McDoom added: “Magician, after-supper speaker and stand-up comedian… we have to reluctantly accept that JC was one of the great all-round entertainers of the last two millennia, right up there with Monkhouse and Brucey.”

“He definitely shits all over Brian Conley.”

Experts have also hinted at the existence of more jokes on the papyrus, although these will not be revealed until the publication of Christ’s Bumper Book of Jokes & Japes in the lead up to Christmas.

“We don’t want to give anything away yet,” said a spokesman for publisher Diablo, “but let’s just say that George Carlin can expect a plague of plagiarism suits for that whole ‘Seven Dirty Words’ skit.”

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