Wednesday 19 September 2012 by Gary Stanton

Definition of domestic abuse to include ban on watching Great British Bake Off


Great British bake off

The definition of domestic abuse has been widened to cover deliberately withholding the remote control during shit TV programmes, it has emerged.

It means acts such as preventing partners from leaving the house you paid for or denying them access to a fondant-based cookery show phone could lead to prosecution.

It is hoped the broadened definition will increase awareness of what a croquembouche is and the how best to prepare the oven for one.

A man is present in five out of every five domestic violence cases, something the government is keen to address.

The Home Office wants more youngsters to come forward and access the support they need – for example, speaking to someone about filo pastry recipe they missed because their partner was watching England vs Ukraine.

Domestic Abuse changes

The changes, which will be implemented in March 2013, follow calls from local authorities, women and senior citizens who are looking for something to do in their spare time.

The Association of Chief Police Officers said that an average of fifty thousand women a week are denied access to Great British Bake off, with a further thirty thousand forced to watch Man vs Food in secret.

Chief Constable Carmel Napier, of The Met wants the reforms to go further so that men would be prevented from laughing when a Bake Off contestant slices their finger off or pointing at Paul Hollywood and calling him a c**t.

“Arguments over the Great British Bake Off ruin lives. This amended definition will help us all to work together to defeat this dreadful crime.” he added.

Some lawyers and campaigners questioned how effective the changes would be in bringing more cases to court.

Rachel Horman, Head of Issues with the law firm Watson Ramsbottom, said she welcomed any attempt to increase the arrest rate for domestic violence, but added: “I am a little bit sceptical about the kind of people who turn up on Celebrity Masterchef”.

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