Monday 17 September 2012 by Spacey

John Terry defends handshakes per game ratio


Chelsea defender John Terry has defended his handshakes per game ratio despite having the worst record in the Premier League.

Terry, who failed to connect with Anton Ferdinand’s hand before Saturday’s game against QPR, insisted that he just needed to work on the ‘being less of a racist’ and ‘avoiding sleeping with his team-mate’s girlfriends’ aspect of his game.

“I just need to focus on being less of a twat,” he told reporters after the game.

“If I keep my head down and work hard in training then I’m sure the handshakes will come.”

Terry handshake record

The pre-match handshake was introduced by Fifa to promote respect between opposing players, but it has led to some controversial incidents.

“The one thing that we forgot to factor in when we came up with this directive was that the majority of footballers are complete arseholes,” admitted a Fifa spokesperson.

“It is something that we said would improve the game, but it has ended up doing more harm than good.”

“On positive note, you could say that when it comes to what people expect from Fifa, it’s been a resounding success.”

Pundits have begun to question whether Terry has what it takes to shake hands at the top level.

“There are players in the Premier League who can shake hands for fun,” said former Liverpool and Scotland defender Alan Hansen.

“To his credit he keeps getting his hand into the right positions, but his personality lets him down at the crucial time.”

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