Thursday 13 September 2012

Even Jonathan Ive struggling to muster any enthusiasm about iPhone 5


Apple’s head designer Jonathan Ive admitted last night that sounding excited about the iPhone 5 was ‘proving quite difficult’.

To great fanfare Apple unveiled their new device whilst Ive spoke to analysts about how iPhone 5 is ‘very new and stuff’.

“Oh God, you’re going make me talk about all the new stuff, aren’t you?” said Ive when speaking to reporters.

“Well, there’s a slightly bigger screen right there, which is really very nice and that.”

“And it works on that new 4G network that doesn’t exist in the UK, which will be useful for people going on holiday to places that have it.”

“This is a new maps tool – yes, yes it is very much like the one we replaced.”

“Plus we’re making you all buy a whole new set of connectors for the iPhone 5 – no they’re not a universal standard, that would be silly.”

“You want me to keep going?”

Jonathan Ive on iPhone 5

Ive then went into a long speech about manufacturing processes which the average consumer literally could not give less of a shit about.

iPhone 4 owner Simon Williams told us, “I watched that manufacturing video and stuggled to see how it’s going to allow me to show off?”

“Plus I think it might have been faked, as I couldn’t see a single Chinese teenager who looked like he was coming off the back of an 18 hour shift.”

However the release has been welcomed by Apple fanboys everywhere who told us, “I’m definitely going to buy it shut up shut up I’m not listening any more lalalalalala.”

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