Wednesday 12 September 2012 by Waylandsmithy

Heston Blumenthal baffled by poor response to ‘frog salad’


Arcane chef and Waitrose patsy Heston Blumenthal has admitted he ‘can’t understand’ why his frog salad is so unpopular.

Containing leaves, shredded vegetables and other items that families enjoy scraping into the bin, Heston’s enhanced frog salad also features a selection of common amphibians.

But far from acting with delight and exclaiming how clever Heston is, many housewives have instead vomited their guts up.

“When Waitrose asked me to bring some joy into their customers mundane little lives, I just knew that I wanted to lob a frog in a big bag of spinach”, he explained.

“What baffles me is the response, why would anyone think they were supposed to eat it? This is salad, not a pizza or a sandwich.”

Heston’s new salads

Marks and Spencer are keeping an eye on the niche pond-based garnish market, trialling a great crested newt relish in a number of stores in Surrey.

But while some customers enjoy their food rare, it would seem to be less popular when its endangered: the store has already withdrawn their ‘natterjack toad in the hole’.

Heston enjoys pushing the boundaries of what’s edible, or what’s acceptable sitting on the side of the plate. But he admitted that sometimes he takes ‘difficult’ convenience food too far.

“My rainbow vegetable stir-fry was a good example”, confessed the cook, after the press reported supply problems.

“If Waitrose is out of fresh rainbows, you can just use some chicken.”

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