New health minister Jeremy Hunt has insisted his belief in homeopathy can help fix the NHS, insisting a budget diluted to one penny would see it stronger than ever before.
Just hours into his new role, Hunt stuffed his face with magic sugar pills before declaring the new diluted budgetary policy.
“We need to bang the budget against some special leather books, taking all of the money out as we go, but once that’s done and we’re down from £94bn down to 1p we’ll be good to go,” Hunt told reporters.
“I voted for homeopathy on the NHS in 2007, and I’m confident its batshit crazy anti-scientific principles will help me turn the NHS into the pride of the country.”
“If only there was a way to reduce the budget to 0.00001p then I could do even more good.”
Hunt backs homeopathy
Aides to Mr Hunt have said the new health minister is keen to prove once and for all that homeopathy works, despite absolutely no peer reviewed scientific evidence in over two hundred years.
As one explained, “Sure, all existing evidence for homeopathy can be explained by placebo effect, observer bias and other perfectly logical theories, but that’s no reason not to base the future of our NHS on it.”
“My neighbours dog was ill and got better on homeopathy. What more evidence could you possibly need?”